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Saturday, June 18, 2016

Grace Amidst Despair

This evening I went to the hospital to find Calvin writhing in his hospital bed, completely restrained, with no I.V. fluids and no one checking on him.  I knew no one had been in there because his rump was dirty.

He does not eat.  He does not drink.  He has completely lost touch with reality.  My heart has been shattered into billions of brittle shards of despair.  Will he live?  I don't know.  I have no idea what is going on.  He twists like a captured animal and speaks a combination of English and Who-Knows-What, usually barking out commands for our dog Kruger.  No one from the nursing staff ventures near.  No one checks on him.  He suffers in a dark room.  I will be there all day tomorrow.  I will begin to make arrangements to have him transferred to another facility.

In the midst of this spirit-numbing despair, I received a visit from Father David Mary (Engo) of Our Lady of Sorrows, Brother Pio Maria of Our Lady, Co-Redemptrix and Brother Bonaventure Maria of Our Lady Spouse of Saint Joseph of the Franciscan Friars Minor.  I had called Father David Mary and asked him to come and pray over Calvin.  He came prepared to perform the Sacrament of the Anointing of the Sick with Viaticum, which is also called the Last Rites.  It is a beautiful sacrament of hope and healing.  I don't think that Calvin is going to die but I think we are in for a very long haul.  And, if it is his time, Calvin's soul is prepared to meet the Lord because he has been forgiven of all his sins.  Anything Calvin does now is not a sin because his mind is so ravaged, it is almost like the mind of a child.  I look in his eyes and I do not see the man I married.  But, even in this state, I love him.  Calvin is my sun in the morning and my moon at night.  Because I do love him, I will fulfill my vows taken before the altar of God that I will care for him in sickness and in health.

The beauties of the grace of the Sacrament of the Anointing of the Sick gave my soul peace, but I don't think it will heal my splintered heart.

Here is Father David Mary preaching.  He's a wonderful priest and a good friend.  I thank God for him.