Please don't misunderstand, Calvin and I both collapsed into tears when the doctor left. I could not begin to tell you all how much I love Calvin. I cannot even explain it myself. There is something mystical and sacred about what Calvin and I share. I think even trying to describe it would almost be sacrilegious. Does that make sense? Hell, I don't know. I am not sure if most of what I write to you all makes sense. But, I open my heart to you all, my beloved family and friends and to you, gentle reader, who might have stumbled on to my blog while researching C.T.E., quaking in fear at what you are finding. Take courage, if you truly love the person who has C.T.E. and are in the position to have to make THE decision, you will be given the courage to do it out of sheer love.
This song was running through my head as I was listening to the doctor explain what was required and the decision I had to make:
Later, I was driving home with tears cascading from my eyes. As I drove home, the wind blew them dry. Even though this song is written for someone who has ended their relationship, much of it rang true in my heart. The house is strangely quiet. I don't know how I am going to use my time. I know I have lots of housework to do, but for now, I will sleep and find courage to face tomorrow.
Terry:
ReplyDeleteWhen I made the decision to divorce Larry ... And more recently end my 15 year relationship with Eddie ... Inside me I cried and wept and felt guilty and afraid and alone.But as you described the Bridgeford courage I HAD to shove all those feelings deep down and look only at the light at the end of the tunnel and do what HAD to be done. If those feelings came up during the process I acknowledged them but reminded them I did what was best. I know you have made the right decision and you and Calvin will get thru this. Remember we are here for you and love you. Jan❤
Thank you, Jan. Hearing how the Bridgeford courage helped you helps me to know I did the right thing. Love you!! Terry
DeleteTerry, you absolutely made the best decision possible for both you and Calvin. You have been - and will continue to be - a strong, loving, and powerful advocate for Calvin. I applaud your being a strong, loving, and powerful advocate for yourself as well! Your diligence and resourcefulness are so impressive. You have more inner strength than you probably thought possible, and that - and the network of people you have who love you - will get you through. Wendy and I love you and are very proud of you!
ReplyDeleteThank you, Lisa. I am wearing my Matriarch necklace today to remind me of you, Jan, Wendy, Calvin, the kids, the daughters-in-law and the grandkids. I know I have an impressive cheering section and it means so much to me!!
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